Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. —Jesus Christ (Matt. 11: 28–30)
Work is good for the soul, but only to the point it doesn’t take priority over the most important things in your life: your walk with God, your family, and your friends.
They would tell Russ with regret about their accomplishments. They had neglected their spouses and children for the dream of ultimate success and now wondered, Where are my family and my friends? Where is God? Too often, those who used to be the most powerful and influential people in California would die alone because they hadn’t recognized the importance of their relationship with God and others.
—connecting with God and others and having lots of energy—are related.
The energy we get from a deep relationship with God and others is the kind we need to make our work fulfilling. Ironically, the first step for most people is to recognize their own limitations and let go of expectations.
Questions for Discussion
Might we play this into the rising suicide rate among young people?
Do you think that social media may play a role in it and if so how?
It is so important to let go of the idea that you are what you do for a living. You are not what you do morally, and you are not your achievements.
STICK FIGURE EXERCISE
I AM A…..
You are not a parent, a pastor, a friend, a spouse, or anything else you do; you are a beloved child of God. You are not a parent, a pastor, a friend, a spouse, or anything else you do; you are a beloved child of God.
Anytime you go to a social gathering, people will ask you what you do for a living. By knowing you are a stay-at-home mom or a bus driver or a doctor, people instantly make assumptions about who you are.
They can’t help but leap from your answer to making quick conclusions about your income, your hobbies, and whether you are a winner or a loser in life.
They also get a better sense of whether you might click as an associate or even a friend.
Ascribing value based on what we do is a deep source of anxiety for most people because it touches on our greatest fear: the fear of abandonment.
All of us struggle with this. C. S. Lewis reckoned it to circles. Everyone wants to be included in the circle, and no one wants to be excluded.
When we know that “what we do” will have a significant bearing on whether or not we’ll be accepted in various circles, we’re likely to do more than we should to prove ourselves to others and be “worthy” of their friendship.
It’s a constant struggle to say and believe, “I’m not what I do; I’m the beloved of God. I’m not what I do; I’m the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. I’m not what I do; I’m what Christ did for me.” But the struggle must continue if you want to live an energetic life of zeal and power.
You likely put a lot of pressure on yourself to do more than is required of you. It’s difficult not to compare yourself to others and think, I’m not as important, successful, or interesting as they are.
This kind of thinking is death. Let go of trying to be and do everything. Know your limitations. You can’t do everything, and God doesn’t expect you to.
We’re tired not only because we do so much, but also because we do so much from a place of trying to prove ourselves to others.
We compare and try to catch up, and then feel shame when we just can’t make it happen.
We wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and can’t fall back asleep because we think of something we said or did and feel a lingering sense of fear or embarrassment.
We say to ourselves, “I’ll do more. I’ll try harder,” all the while wondering where we will find the time or the energy. Sound familiar?
BUSYNESS
Busyness has become a societal virtue, a status symbol.
It’s become a sign of importance and of being needed.
When we call a friend to ask for something, we usually begin with, “I know you’re busy,” or “I know this is a crazy time for you. You’ve got tons going on in your life.” These are, oddly, compliments. We’re saying, “Your busyness shows you are important and needed. Any time to pencil in a friend?”
Take a deep breath and lift up your chin. You do enough, and you are enough. You are doing a lot better than you think. You deserve respect for what you’ve accomplished and for the good decisions you’ve made. You can relax, and you can stop worrying. No one is perfect, and we all have setbacks. Don’t beat yourself up. Start smiling, and know that you are doing great. You are a beloved child of God, and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You are not what you do.
Letting go of the idea that “I am what I do” is all about priorities.
If we crowd our schedule to prove we are better at our job or are a better parent or a better Christian, we are manufacturing worthiness and not living from a place of real power. Life must be rooted in rest and peace. It all begins there.
PRACTICING THE SABBATH
ACTIVITY
Research The Sabbath. Scriptures, Commentary, or anything else that you can on the Sabbath.
One way this is practiced in the normal Christian life is in the context of work and the Sabbath and how they fit together in the life of a believer.
Christianity offers a different idea. Our first day of the week is not Monday, a day of labor.
It’s Sunday, a day or rest and worship. We gather with our church, where we realign our lives with the Word of God and connect deeply with friends and family. We have music, sermons, and stories, as well as special events such as family-night suppers, chili cook-offs, or hayrides that remind us to let go of work—to let go of the grind and have a day of fun and relaxation that really counts.
The week begins from a place of rest and worship so that we can enter our work week with the call of God and live from a place of his power.
Ideally, you want to go to work energized and yet relaxed, living in every moment with openness to God’s voice and promptings.
The workplace in this respect can become a mission field and take on more meaning than the work itself.
One church near my home has a sign for parishioners exiting on Sunday. It says, “Ministry begins now,” reminding everyone to make the most of their week, to make every conversation count, to be salt and light to hurting neighbors, friends, and even enemies.
I would just add that one of the best ways to be an example is by working every day relaxed.
By being relaxed in our work, we think more.
We have a happier and more peaceful vibe, one that is open to comforting others, that is interruptible.
Many who walk in the rhythms of a restful Sabbath approach their Monday as the second day of the week and see the job at Starbucks or the law firm or at home raising kids as a mission, deeper than the thing itself.
Many churches do not teach Sabbath in this way, but still, it’s a reminder of the old-school idea in the Christian faith.
Power comes from God and not from us.
Success comes from discernment and rest, not from grinding away and trying harder.
Working from a place of joy is much more productive than working from a place of “not enough” or “proving myself.”
Even God rested, and we should too.
But true rest means letting go, loosening your grip on life, on your goals, your reputation, and your worries.
Ultimately, beginning your week on Sunday instead of Monday is a way of saying, “It all starts with rest.” It’s a way of saying, “God, I can’t do this on my own. I need a day to be with you and the ones I love. I need a day to remind myself I’m not what I do for a living. I’m not a machine. It’s not about being more productive. In the end, my relationship with you and with people is the most important thing.”
Sunday Sabbath is just one practical way to train yourself to let go of an identity based on what you do. That’s ultimately what God wants from you. He wants you to let go. You can’t do everything.
You can’t be perfect. Be at peace with that, and you will have more freedom to put first things first and second things second. You can work hard and even be ambitious, but in the end, you must abandon the outcomes to God. Trust that if things don’t go your way, it’s okay. That’s life.
Being at peace with this is the beginning of walking as the beloved and having tons of energy.
Rest on Purpose. You deserve real rest. You deserve the kind of rest that makes you take a deep breath and say, “Wow, that was awesome.”
Try and think of the times when you feel most alive, relaxed, and fulfilled
Ruthlessly Eliminate Hurry from Your Life
This idea is so important and central to the Creed of the Beloved, yet we try to prove ourselves through our “doing” in order to please others and find a place in our society.
Busyness—the chronic need to have a cluttered life—is most evident in our hurry, the greatest sign that we are weak and afraid.
Once, my dear friend and mentor Bill was walking with Dallas Willard.
Dallas asked Bill If you were to give one word to describe Jesus, what would it be?” Bill thought about how to answer the simple question. Jesus was loving. Powerful. Wise.
So many things. Struggling under pressure to find an answer, he finally retorted, “What one word would you give?”
Dallas said, “Jesus was relaxed.”
I think about this story all the time because it’s a definite outlier.
Of all words, why would one of my favorite heroes, the one and only Dallas Willard, call Jesus relaxed? I couldn’t deny the word fit.
Think about it: he was never in a hurry. People constantly needed him, and yet he was slow from point A to point B. He was interruptible, yet was able to say no. He was silent when accused, often went to lonely places to pray, and took a nap in a storm. He was relaxed and never in a hurry. It’s because he’s so powerful.
A relaxed posture is the ultimate sign of power.
Being busy is not a sign of strength but a sign of weakness.
Those who live relaxed seem somehow destined to wear a crown.
They appear larger than life and undeterred by the alarms of living.
Those unhurried souls who infrequently cross our paths seem the master of their destiny and indeed the masters of time itself.
Hurrying doesn’t make you faster. It makes you clumsy.
But an unhurried, restful person at least appears to be in control, wise, and strong.
You are the beloved. You deserve to live a life with gaps, a life where you can drive slowly in the right lane with plenty of time to spare. When you’ve planned a meeting at two o’clock, plan on getting there at one forty-five.
Christian monks used to refer to this as statio, the spiritual discipline of arriving early to pray for and discern what God is doing in a meeting.
Statio, or having gaps between events, allows you to connect your heart and mind with the will of the Spirit and to pray and think clearly about what is about to happen. It brings a sense of gravitas, or weight, to whatever it is you are about to do and clears your mind.
In the off chance there’s traffic or some other disruption, you have more space to arrive on time, ready for a great meeting.
You cannot be compassionate when in a hurry. Even at your best, if you are in a hurry and someone needs you, it will be very difficult to do the right thing. You will feel stressed, and you will not be fully engaged in the moment with your spouse, friend, or even a stranger who needs a hand.
In this way, hurrying keeps our society fragmented and disconnected and reinforces a deep lack of connection to others. Hurrying erodes our soul as it traps us in a constant state of weakness, anger, powerlessness, and resentment. You don’t need to hurry. You’ll get there. Leave gaps and move with the Spirit as a sailboat moves with the wind.
Maintain Your Boundaries
When we feel we don’t do enough, it’s hard to respect ourselves by keeping important boundaries. When we think we are not enough, it is hard to ask for what we need.
But boundaries and the ability to say no are central to living as the beloved.
Brené Brown, while researching the ways that people connect deeply, found that people with clear and protected boundaries were healthier and happier. She said, “The truly committed compassion practitioners were also the most boundary-conscious people in the study.
Compassionate people are boundaried people.” When she discovered the results of this research, she said, “I was stunned.” Musing about her own experience, Dr.
Brown said before she kept her boundaries, she was “sweeter—judgmental, resentful, and angry on the inside—but sweeter on the outside.”
But now she is more compassionate, less judgmental, and less resentful because she is “way more serious about boundaries.” 1
Respect yourself by clearly defining and keeping your boundaries, especially with your time. You are a beloved child of God and deserve respect. It’s important to stick up for yourself and not always give in to the demands on your time. This world will want to take from you and give nothing in return. You are worth more than that. Be kind but firm, gentle but honest. We think people will be offended, but usually they are fine with it.
Live to Please God, Not People.
When we live to please God, he will often draw us to hurting people. However, pleasing God doesn’t mean pleasing the people he has sent us to. When you focus your life on pleasing people, you are exhausted, but when you live to please God, you will have more energy. Pleasing God and not people will allow you to be yourself, warts and all, living every day as the beloved.
Because God already sees the real you and loves you just as you are, you will feel free to be vulnerable with others, growing closer to them. You cannot people-please and respect yourself.
Don’t pursue people. Rather, pursue personal growth while being at peace with your imperfections.
Invest in yourself. Work on being the best version of you, and you will attract the right people into your life.
If you go after certain people who don’t care about you, you’ll find yourself constantly disappointed.
Build your character, and the right people will come into your life.
Don’t worry about building your reputation or impressing your peers.
Just do what is right in the eyes of God, and you will grow in stature, honor, and favor.
Jesus didn’t allow people to manipulate him into what they thought he should be. He had a clear mission from God and stuck to it, and in doing so saved the world. So don’t live your life to please people. Live your life to please God, because he is already pleased with you.
You can relax. You don’t need to do more or try harder. Enjoy a time out, and remember it is morally right to be restful. Rest is where you get the big heart and fresh vision to be the best version of you.